I’ve been hooked on many things. Coffee, food, alcohol…you name it. But earlier than that, I became hooked on video games. In this episode, I will walk you through my struggle with online game addiction and how it nearly cost me my dating with my circle of relatives. Before I cease today’s episode, I can be brutally sincere. So put it together yourself.

My Playstation: Love at First Sight In 2002, my parents offered me a PlayStation 2. When I was a child, I was diagnosed with interest deficit hyperactive sickness, or ADHD — to a twelve-year-old with ADHD, getting a Playstation changed into like crack. Except this had flashlights and colorful characters and didn’t kill your desires and wreck your lifestyle.

On a primary day, I played for around 12 hours. Soon, I spent a median of 8-10 hours gambling on the PS2 every day. On days that I didn’t have school, I played for anywhere from 12 to fifteen hours every day. I cherished God of War, Resident Evil 4, Timesplitters, Devil May Cry 3, Burnout, and various other video games.

The first time my mom locked up, the PS2 changed because I wasn’t studying sufficiently. Or perhaps it became because I wasn’t getting any workout. My mother locked it up in her cabinet while she went to work. But what I recall was I turned into livid. How dare she? How many want to try this? She didn’t have the proper to do this! My coronary heart was beating honestly fast, and I couldn’t think surely. I experience palpitations; I become tense, irritable, and extraordinarily unable to consciousness. And this turned slightly 2-3 hours after she locked up my Playstation.

By the way, my arms were shaking; I couldn’t assume straight. I didn’t understand this lower back then, but I have experienced signs related to addiction. I pressured our cleaning lady to provide me with a copy of the cupboard key, and I opened my mom’s cupboard. I quickly took out the PlayStation 2. I plugged it in, and when the loading screen came on, I felt all my tension dissipate. I felt waves and waves of remedy wash over me. And I felt disgraced that I became so susceptible.

The other difficulty is my fitness. My most significant problem with my food was that it needed to be easy to eat simultaneously as playing, tasty, and either fried or sweet. We want the comfort of sugar, deep-fried food, and its reassurance. Couple that with the truth that junk food is merely clean to overeat, and I turned into on the street headed straight for disaster. FB TW I changed into already an obese child, and I felt like humans made me laugh at me regularly… due to this, it became smooth to find my consolation in an online game. An online match might not harm me (besides, for you, Pokemon Go).

A video game wouldn’t amuse me and make me feel terrible about my weight. It didn’t assume I was okay with jokes and even outright insults, approximately how I seemed. My buddies did. I never permit upon how bad I felt. I continually smiled and acted to find it irresistible to become a funny story I was okay with. But I wasn’t. Even these days, I experience unattractive and unpleasant. So, can you blame me for selecting video games over actual life?

I gained extra weight because of all the time I spent sitting and gambling on video games. Soon, I became a teen who was morbidly obese and was recognized as pre-diabetic. Eventually, my mother reached out to one of my cousins. I consider this vividly: I changed into sitting on my couch, playing Timesplitters, and my cousin sat with my mother on the sofa on the alternative side, trying to talk to me about my trouble or, in their words….My “dependency.” He’s telling me that my mother is dissatisfied and feels harmed.

I don’t care. My eyes are still on the display screen. He’s telling me how my mom is concerned about me. I don’t care. I don’t react or reply. My mom started crying and explained to him that I was having a hassle. I don’t even bother looking up from the TV. I tell him she’s lying. FB TW Then my cousin pointed out that my mom was crying while I was sitting and playing. He asks me if I experience no disgrace.

Then, I ultimately replied. I argued with him. I yelled for a while. But eventually, I couldn’t hold back from denying it any extra. That became once I hit rock backside. All of 13 years vintage, I hit rock bottom. I hated myself. Addiction consists of great shame. Every person with an addiction is aware of the sensation. When you try to strive and hate yourself, you provide the component that controls you. As a person with an addiction, something you’re addicted to contains the weight of shame with it. You hate yourself. You hate how vulnerable you feel.